Wall-E

I have been longing for so long to watch a romantic green smart movie, and then I watch Wall-E and fell in love with it.

My Father

My Father

The sound of the rain outside penetrates inside the warmness of the house...The smell of rainy seasons rose high to the air...and create sleepiness. She just realized that the rainy seasons is here..beating out the angry face of the sun. She looked at her old father, he just went to sleep again...As she waited him taking his lunch just now, she felt a little bid sad to see how old he is now...and the memory of her childhood spilled all over her thought...She always thought that her father is the most handsome father in the worlds,And he is the one she love most cause they have somany things in common.He used to take her to Gramedia so that she can buy the Famous Five book He will take her in his jeep and one particular day, she bought an ice cream and messed his car all over, but he never complained. He used to teach her English, till she want to cry cause there are additional assignment apart from the one from School. A week in December for no aparent reason, she decided to spend a week in her hometown and dedicated all her time to take care of her father, and she has a marvelous time, laughing with him, bossing him around to take a bath or to eat, laughing along with him and her niece....

A week after that she flew to Singapore. She vividly remembered one night, while she is watching tv with her best friend, she suddely saw his father face before her.. as if he is really there, she can see his smiling, he look younger and happier, then suddenly she told her best friend, she does not feel good I think something happen to her dad, and she feels a chill suddenly wrapped around my body. That was the day he fall off his bed, and the last ilness that caught him.

Then two months passed, she remembered it vividly, she has changed to her Pjs and sit in her sitting room watching Atonement, the only movie that she could only finish almost a week thereafter, cause as she watch the tragedy in the movie happening to ruin the life of two people, her phone rang it was her sister telling her that her father is suddenly in coma at home, that they are calling ambulance. She hang up the phone and loss all the strenght she posses, and look blankly at the tv, she sit like that for about ten minutes, then something struct her heart, she knew that her father’s gone forever, leaving her behind. She started to cry as the tears fall of her eyes she heard the phone rang, it was her sister in law telling her things she already know. After that everything is so blurred, she remembered to take off the sheets over her father silent face and she started to cry again, and later in the morning, she wash the face of her father for the last time before he buried next to her mother. She remembered looking at his father face, as death swallow him, his face is different, he is not the same anymore cause what was left was only an empty sheel..an empty body....after looking at his face, she no longer cry cause she knew he has gone somewhere else, and the last thing he would want her was to cry over his lifeless body.  

January 24,09, one year after my father died 

 

A poem wrote by my father

Yang Akan Ikut Pergi Nanti

Kenapa tak kau manfaatkan

   Kesempatan yang ada selama ini

Aku juga sering bertanya

   Pada diriku sendiri

Kenapa?

Karena ada yang mentertawakanku

          Ada pula yang mencemooh

          Bahkan ada yang menyesali

         Jadi engkau sendiri sangsi

          Atas segala yang kau alami

Sukar juga menjawabnya

Kenapa?

Karena masalahnya tidak perlu dipersoalkan

Kenapa?

Karena tidak ada permasalahan

          Baik dengan kamu

          Maupun dengan hamba

          Dan dengan siapapun

Jadi?

Biarlah ku simpan sendiri

          Ku renungkan sendiri

          Segala suka dan dukanya

          Sebagai suatu kenangan

          Yang akan ikut pergi nanti

          Bersama roh ku.

 

Alimoeddin,

12 April 1986, Subuh 5.00

 

One Perfect Gift For Mother's Day

I have just hung up the phone talking to one of my best friends, while we talked about her work suddenly she laughed, I asked why she told me that her 4 years old was practicing the song “Kasih Ibu”, but he forgot and changed the word “surya” to “surga” so that paragraph become “bagai sang surga (instead of surya) menyinari dunia,” I also laugh and realize that the Mother’s Day is on its way again. Mother’s Day always bring tears to my eyes, cause it always reminds me of my mother who died more than a decade ago, but the pain is persisted as if it just happened yesterday afternoon. Actually I am not so close to my mother, cause I have been busy with my works and my life outside our home, but then when she has gone, I have just realized how much she mean to me and how much she have done to me so that I could find my own place in this cynical place called the Earth.

Thingking about the sacrifice and honor that million of mothers have done in this world, I always fantasize that the celebration of the new year should instead be given to the celebration of the Mother’s Day. All the noisy sounds out of those paper trumpets, expensive late night parties at five stars hotels, the count down at the Times square I saw in my cable, and all those balloon cut out loose to the air are actually belong to the Mother’s Day, and be given and present in the honor of all mothers in the world. The huge celebration which should be presented to all mothers, not only our own mother, but the mother of all children which are all around us and someone taking care of other who even not their own children, like my sister in-law who taking care of me while I am sick.

Even I dream and hope about it, I am not a mother yet. But I have seen my mom, my sister, my sister in-law, my colleague, my friends, my maid even women I saw riding in a crowded bike with her baby and toddler on the street trying so hard to fit in into the role of a mother. The one particular honorable role that keep being forgotten, since just like an oxygen which is all around us and keeps us alive, but it is inevitably invisible and always submerged and buried in the ordinariness and mundane reality of life that we have.
A role that start from their role in bearing and bring a new life to this world, where on a particular day a new tiny human being breadth the air for the first time up till the adulthood problems conquer and seized the rooms of our thoughts. The heavy task and reality which consume most of their time and took away their own identity and self actualization, patient and heart, and most of the time with nothing is expected in return than loves. Sometimes if I saw someone disrespect their mother, a thought cross my mind, that even my household maid is luckier than that mother cause at least she got minimum wages plus THR, weekend off, Eid Mubarak holiday and even the right to resign and find a new better household to work for, while this one who has to work for free all her life could not get anything from someone that she has given up her life for not even a love and respect that she deserved.

The role sometimes invisible to the naked eyes, but through it has transformed so many ordinary children to become someone that can makes a difference. There are thousands or maybe millions of them and all are in unity all thanks their mother of what they achieved. Many of them succeed because of what their mother made them believe that they can do it and their gratefulness reflects in things they said about their mother. There are hundreds of quotes, but my favorite one are those From Picasso who said “when I was a child, my mother said to me, 'If you become a soldier, you'll be a general. If you become a monk you'll end up as the pope.' Instead I became a painter and wound up as Picasso” and from Harry Truman “No one in the world can take the place of your mother. Right or wrong, from her viewpoint you are always right. She may scold you for little things, but never for the big ones”.

Another quote I read that open my eyes to a role of a mother in our live, the one said that the term “working mother” is redundant. I respect all the stayed home mom who has their plate full of taking care of their children and give up her life for them, but since I belong to the herds of million working woman who has to make their own living, I have this special sympathy, a huge one to a mom who also makes a living as well. A multitask demanding position that would need not attract any of job applicant, even with an attractive compensation plus other types of loan facility and health insurance package. I saw my pregnant colleague fighting back the uneasiness of carrying the unborn each and everyday while she has to attend and concentrate in hours of late meeting, let alone doing various errands around the office. One day when we have to work so late at night, I saw her dropped a paper from the printer and almost in tears trying to pick it up.

Then the maternity leaves time is up, and it is time for her to try finding a substitute mother for her new unborn. A good friend called me just about a week before she has to go back to her office, crying because she is not sure to leave her baby in the hands of a stranger, whom she just meet about a week ago, and her worry about “what ifs” long list of them…and she kept blaming herself of being unable to take care of her own child. But she knew too that she has to work to support her family. The guilt and remorse saga continue, as I often overheard a friend lamenting about feeling so bad to arrive home after being stuck for hours in the heavy congested traffic back to their suburban home, and finding their baby already asleep not seeing her mom the whole day or to let the nanny and driver took the baby to the doctor cause she is unable to cancel a meeting.

As time goes by, I saw the struggle they have to go through and deal with at all the times. While the boss and the client breathing down our neck and chase us like there is no tomorrow, I overheard a mother gluing her ear to a telephone arguing with her eight year old who things that his teacher would understand if he forget to do his homework just for tonight or a friend who took all the blame and icy look from her boss for coming late to the office after meeting the teacher of her seven years old son who is being alleged of teasing his friends to tears for calling many of his friend “kucing garong” because of the song that he heard from a TV show or another friend who worried to sick finding out that her daughter forgot to tell her about the coming examination that she should have prepared for. All of them have so many balls up in the air and they keep trying not to drop any one of it…cause they have to in order to survive their live and their children.

I once wondering how long it lasts the love of mothers to us, I found the answer by the way my mom used to look at me every time I saw her and the look of other moms to their children, no matter how old their children has become or no matter how busy their children with the life of their own and most of the time forgotten about her. Even in the look of my colleague who scolded her son for making his little brother crawled all over our library just for fun. I met a mother of a friend who started planning where the daughter of her son should go to school in 20 years to come. These all reflects that there is no stop of love of mothers to us to our children, it flows like the river of lives, and will only come to a halt and gone when they have gone forever and leaving this immortal life behind.

Just like the flows of their love which is so everlasting, a mother actually deserves our full love in return not only on the particular date of Mothers Day, but each and every day. Maybe that’s the reason why unlike some other holidays, mothers’ day is being celebrated on different days in various countries, from the second day of February in Norway, second week of May in the United States to December 22 in Indonesia. While historically England holds the honor as the first country which set aside a day as Mothers Day, but to date almost all countries in the world have recognized and spare a day in each year to appreciate Mothers. A day where not only to make a mother feel so special but also the particular day we can redeem our neglects to appreciate the unconditional love that makes us feel so special even when the things gets wrong and the life twisted from the hope we have. I love the idea that mothers day fall on various different days, so that there are many days that will make us remember about their loves and the fact that it will always be all around us each and everyday.

While the commercialism of mothers days has chocked us all over, and tempted us to trade off the love that she gave us with so many expensive things to be showed off. But they deserve more than that, they deserve more than thousands of pricy impersonal things behind the glass windows in the shopping malls. I always remember the things said by so many unfortunate children whose parents are very busy, that they if only a have choice it is not the nice clothes or things which they may prefer but just a spare time where they can spend together with them. I always amaze of how my eight years old nephew always looks forward to a weekend and sacrifice his session playing Play Station so that he can be just at home with his parents. As my memory flows back to my childhood where it was time and attention that my mother showered all over me all the time and made feel so special no matter who I am. Then I thought that maybe these are the perfect gifts for them that she deserved for all hard work she has done. A gift can not be bought over the counter and for a price, but will reflect what she deserved. A time to spare to be with her, and attention for her to hear her story, to cook for her, and to thank her for what she has done to me and makes her feel that she is so special and she realize that it is her love that make us survive so far.

Will the environment start abusing us back?

As one out of thousands of nine to five ordinary workers, Saturday morning is the time I always look forward to, I wake up early and, afraid of wasting the day, bury my face in a crisp The Jakarta Post to read celebrity news before worrying about the problem the world is facing.

Unlike other Saturdays, that particular morning the big front, page headline Hundreds dead as cyclone rips through Bangladesh seized my thoughts and time stood still for a split second. I looked out at Jakarta’s hazy sky as the sun tried hard to penetrate the pollution. Something else caught the corner of my eyes; lots of plants on my balcony had been blown upside down by strong winds again.

My thoughts roamed back to the Post headline two days earlier about falling trees and billboards in Jakarta. One of the trees shattered the glass windows of my boss’ brand new BMW 7 Series.

I forgot all about my Saturday morning TV ritual of flicking through HBO, Cinemax, Hallmark or Starmovies, and went straight to CNN’s horrible scene of many people who slept on the floor with no beds and blankets.

I started to cry as I remembered that day in December 2004 when Shiva god of the ocean paid an angry visit to the westernmost province of Aceh and took away the lives of thousands of people in a matter of seconds.

Every time headlines or stories of Mother Nature’s disasters catch my attention, I recall an advertisement in Time magazine of a man stranded in a boat that floats in brown muddy water. The advertisement reads: “Does the environment start abusing us back?” the heading shakes my conscience, because I know that this sentence reflects the reality around us, but not many are aware of it. Some even argue it.

Why this disaster happening? Is good old Earth unable to protect us anymore, or is it people and our irresponsible deeds that have destroyed the shields Earth possesses to protect people from the Earth’s own flaws? I don’t know why, but I suspect it is our fault.

Despite my inability to provide my allegation, I believe global warming, greenhouse effects, and sea level rise have something to do with the excessive use of energy.

I wish I was clever enough to connect the cyclone and floods in my neighborhood, or the falling tree branch that anger my boss with environmental damage. The fact is that more dense green forests have turned fire red and illegal logging is rampant. Hundreds of hectares in East Java are drowning under a mountain of mud, while developed countries are responsible for 36 percent of the world’s greenhouse emissions and 25% of the world’s carbon dioxide emissions; these facts seem to reflect our part in such crimes.
While thinking hard about other scientific ways to convince people of the calamities caused by a damaged environment I recalled a sunny afternoon 30 years ago. I was a little girl taking a ride in my hometown Bandung with my father in his old non-aircon jeep. Cool breezes brushed my skin and the air I breathed felt like water that killed my thirst. Not so many cars traveled around the green town.

Last week I visited my hometown again. I took my three-year-old niece for a ride. The air con was broken so we bathed in sweat in the congested traffic heading up to dozens of factory outlets while the car puffed out poisoning colorless carbon dioxide. I did not dare to open wide the window and watch my niece inhale the filthy polluted air. I felt sorry she could not breathe the cool fresh air of my childhood.

I think about how to deal with environmental degradation of Earth. Unfortunately I am an ordinary person who has just enough time and money to survive.

Recently I tried to forget the environmental problems through the cyber world at the end of my finger tips. I accidentally found websites offering ways to make a difference, the small step we can all take in the battle to save the future of our sons, daughters, nieces, nephews and grandchildren.

We can make a difference by just switching off the light when leaving a room, planting tress, recycling, riding a bike, walking, using public transportation or sharing a car rather than driving private cars, turning taps off while brushing teeth, showering instead of bathing, using both sides of a piece of paper, choosing paper shopping bags, buy products with little packaging or that can be recycled or reused, planting tress in the yard and using compact fluorescent lamps (CFLs). If we do this others my follow suit.


As published in The Jakarta Post daily last year in connection with Earth Conference 2007 in Bali, Indonesia.

Otanjohbi Omedetoh Gozaimas

My thoughts flies away to someone out there in a land across the deepest and bluest ocean where the snow are falling down, But under the same blue sky and within the shade of the moonlight above me.
Otanjohbi Omedetoh Gozaimas Anatha..Wish to offer something more..but.. still have my own battle to conquer first before I can break my silent and ...find my way home to you. As for now...though my hand is empty,but my hearts are full of good wishes for you..All I can give you now is the excerpt of the "Ladybirds" by DH Lawrence...passages that always touch my heart which already crowded with the tought of you...


..."Do you come to me..?" he murmured..."

...Do you really come to me?"..he repeated. "But we have no where to go"...

...Listen"he said to her softly, now you are mine. In the dark you are mine. And when you die you are mine.But in the day you are not mine, because I have no power in the day. In the night, in the dark and in death you're mine. And that is forever. No matter if I must leave you. I shall come again from time to time. In the dark you're mine. But in the day I can not claim you, I have no power in the day, and no place to go. So remember. When the darkness comes, I shall always be in the darkness of you...."Don't forget me.Always remember me, I leave my soul in your hand...Don't be afraid.If you have to cry tears, cry them.But in your heart of hearts know that I shall come again and I have taken you for ever...


Tottemo Sabishikatta-wa...
No matter how, the spring will come...hope one day, one fine day, we can see the Sakura blooms together...in the land accross the deepest and bluest ocean where the snow are falling down now.



Jakarta,Dec 2, 2008

Great Tips 4 life

Thursday is the most dragging day of the week for me, I try to find something interesting in the emails found their way to my email address. Then, I came across an email from a friend attaching these tips for life from one of the Yoga School and I found it interesting and would love to share it with everyone. Hope you will share it too with anyone that you care.

1. Take a 10-30 minutes walk every day. And while you walk, smile.

2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.

3. Sleep for 7 hours.

4. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy.

5. Play more games.

6. Read more books than you did in 2007.

7. Make time to practice meditation, yoga, and prayer. They provide us with daily fuel for our busy lives.

8. Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.

9. Dream more while you are awake.

10. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.

11. Drink plenty of water.

12. Try to make at least three people smile each day.

13. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.

14. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner with his/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.

15. Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.

16. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.

17. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.

18. Smile and laugh more.

19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.

20. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

21. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

22. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.

23. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about. Don't compare your partner with others.

24. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

25. Forgive everyone for everything.

26. What other people think of you is none of your business.

27. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

28. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

29. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

30. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

31. The best is yet to come.

32. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

33. Do the right thing!

34. Call your family often.

35. Your inner most is always happy. So be happy.

36. Each day give something good to others.

37. Don't over do. Keep your limits.